I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
