is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
