i would punch a child for taco bell
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
