Got a toothbrush?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
