bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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