it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
