two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
