My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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