so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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