guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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