No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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