White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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