I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
