Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
