just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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