Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
