My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize