it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
