Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize