Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
