Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
