Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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