Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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