We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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