Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize