I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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