wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
