We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
