why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
