i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
