Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
