Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
