life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
