our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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