bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
