I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
