my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
