I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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