I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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