my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
