Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
