I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
