Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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