I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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