Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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