dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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