he wants to bone in the snuggie
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
