So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
