He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
