if you like me you must not know who I am
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The Olympian is in my bed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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