Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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