We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
