If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
