just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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