Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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