Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They have beer where we have blood.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
