My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
