he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize