If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i will never coherently bang her
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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