You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize