she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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