if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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