Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
