he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
