btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
